Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
