WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
