Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
