So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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