Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
