He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
