Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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