I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize