So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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