So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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