I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
