Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
