There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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