I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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