So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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