I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
