these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
