Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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