The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
