Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
