I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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