Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
