ugly people sure do ruin things
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
