Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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