He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
