I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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