i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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