I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
