is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
