So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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