Even the bartender felt bad for me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
