I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
