3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize