woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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