how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
