you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
