I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
