I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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