ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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