awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
