i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
