bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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