what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
