apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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