This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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