I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
