Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
