Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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