I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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