You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
