Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
