New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
