Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize