I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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