I puked a lego.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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