too bad you live with your parents still
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
