I heard we made out
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
