Pants 0. Shit 1.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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