Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
