She announced her abortion via fbk
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
