I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
