I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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