i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
