Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
