How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
