I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
