a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize