I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
