the condom got lost in my hair
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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