she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize