Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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