Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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