sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
