I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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