i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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