yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Betty ford says i'm here all night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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