addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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