i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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