Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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