I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
