The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
of course. lets lasso hookers.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize