You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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