my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
